Travel Ailments

Throughout the course of my travels I have come to find that I incur certain ailments as a result of a variety of activities.  Now, I will admit that I can have borderline hypochondriac moments, but hey, I think everyone does.  Especially now adays with WebMD and every other medical explanation Google & the internet can diagnose you with.  Muscle spasm in my knee?  Quick, let me type it into a google search and low and behold I have tendonitis and will need immediate physical therapy.  It's almost more of a hobby than an actual health concern, but these travel ailments are serious business folks!

At any rate, because of the quirky ailments I come down with, I have decided to start making note of them and give them official names related to a frequent traveler:

1.  Flight Feet - No, I am not 85 years old but yes, my feet swell like nobodies business when I fly!  A flight up to two hours typically doesn't produce much puffyness but anything more and they blow up like balloons.  Not only is it uncomfortable, but half the time I can't get my shoes back on when we land!  (yes I am that person that takes their shoes off on long flights, puts big fluffy socks on and curls up in my seat with my feet under me)  Next thing you know I'll be walking around airports with those stockings for elderly people that apparently keep swelling to a minimum.  I wonder if they make those in pink?

2.  Suitcase Elbow - Ok so tennis players get to complain of "tennis elbow" so I am coining Suitcase Elbow.  I have recently realized that as soon as I go to pull my suitcase I have extreme pain in my elbow.  Seriously?  I am still in my 20's here and I feel like I'm 90.  My suitcase isn't exactly lite as I still have yet to perfect packing in a small cary-on size suitcase.  But elbow problems from lugging a suitcase around so much...really?!?

3. Altitude Ear - Also known as extreme ear popping.  Again, swimmers get to complain of "swimmers ear" (which I will not mock any further because not only did I always have it during my competitive swimming days but I got it this summer and it sucks. Yes you can still get it as an adult!)  Now I'm no one special here.....I'd say 80-90% of passengers aboard flights experience their ears popping.  That's grand, but mine take it to an entirely different level.  From the moment I step into the cabin until about 48 hours after I get off, I have constant ear popping.  In-flight it gets so bad I induce yawning to the point where I actually gag and dry heave.  Sexy, I know.  It doesn't just happen at take-off and landing, it is constant throughout the flight and for a day or two after.  I wonder how many bugs I've swallowed due to all those yawns....

Clearly I am the dream person to have sitting next to you on a flight.  Shoeless, with fat feet, sporting geriatric stockings, who is a perpetual yawner and gagger.  I may have just answered my own question of "why don't I ever hit it off with men when I fly?"