Ready, Set....

It's go time!  The week so many of us have been anxiously awaiting for years is nearly here and the buzz and excitement has already arrived in full force.  I am of course talking about the PGA Championship, which takes place at the Ocean Course on Kiawah next week.  The first time I found out about the PGA Championship coming to Kiawah in 2012 was back in 2006, my first year living in Charleston when I took a job at The Sanctuary on Kiawah Island.  Most of the attention and focus at that time was on the Senior PGA Championship, which took place on the Ocean Course in 2007.  I had a small role in that event, basically just being a smiling face out in one of the company's hospitality suites.  Not a bad gig, especially for someone who was itching to get experience in the golf industry.  I left my job at The Sanctuary shortly after the Senior PGA but luckily remained connected to a separate company on the Island, which I knew would provide access to the 2012 Major should I still be working for Doonbeg at that time.  Well, yesterday was my 5 year anniversary with Doonbeg (wow, 5 years?!?  Cannot believe how fast it's gone.), the week is here and the excitement is intense!
Throughout my five years with Doonbeg my passion and love for the game of golf has grown tremendously, I've been lucky enough to attend a lot of PGA tour events, meet quite a few of the tour Pro's, managers, caddies and fall in love with the experience a Major tour event brings.  Aside from The Master's, this will be the only other of the four Major's that I've attended and the backdrop being my backyard is incredible.  
Kiawah Island is one of the most amazing and special coastal destinations I have ever experienced.  The landscape, the lifestyle, the people and of course the golf, set it apart from anything else.  Those that work for any of the three plus large corporations that are based on the Island have been anxiously awaiting this event for years.

With a few more days still to go before the tournament officially kicks off, we are already seeing a huge spike in excitement on the island.  Earlier this week we had some big names start to trickle in for a few practice rounds beginning with Adam Scott, followed by my hubby-to-be and bff Graeme McDowell, who was quickly followed by Tiger Woods.  Those guys are all putting their best foot forward now in Akron, but will be back on Kiawah in a few short days.  The inhabitants of the island got into a bit of a frenzy yesterday when Tiger Wood's yacht "Privacy" pulled into and docked at Bohicket Marina.  My office is just up the marsh/waterway from Bohicket so I decided to take a trip down there yesterday to scope it out for myself.  Pretty sweet ride, I'm not going to lie!  Not sure how much privacy he's going to get aboard "Privacy", but his security detail will no doubt be out in force keeping the drunk patrons of Red's at a far distance.

"Privacy" - I think you can figure out which one she is.

While the next few days will really start to show the signs of all the hard work, nearly finished infrastructure and temporary entertainment villages, my mind will be focused  on next week.  Sure, it will likely take me three hours to get to work each morning but it will be worth welcoming the World's greatest golfers to this incredible island that is my work home.  Safe travels to all, good luck and I can't wait to be out there on the 18th next week watching it all unfold!  

Dating back in action

So I debated on whether or not to blog about my most recent dating experiences and then I realized if I started back in December with Match it would only be fare to continue through the full progression.  I signed up with and joined a professional matchmaking company here in Charleston last week.  Pretty much the Patti Stanger of Charleston.  Key difference - there are about a billion men in NYC and about 60 in Charleston, South Carolina.   It's honestly very difficult to admit I made this decision because of how desperate I sound by admitting I have spent hard earned money to hire a matchmaker to set me up on dates.  But you know what - I genuinely don't care how people judge me for this because I know that I am perfectly content on my own yet I have the gumption to take a chance on an alternative means of meeting someone.  If you can't take a chance and enjoy the ride, then you are missing out on life my friends.
My matchmaker operates on a basis of 3 on 3 dates.  She organizes three guys and three girls that do a wine & cheese pairing for two hours.  Great idea.  A one on one date exudes pressure, expectations and formality.  A 3 on 3 date exudes options, confidence and dynamic. (and praying that the other two girls are less appealing than yourself).  So tonight was my first 3 on 3 date.  I only signed up for one because I'm not about to drop that much dough to have a woman set me up on dates for the next 6 months.  Pretty much I have a nice chunk of loot lying on these three guys tonight, so they better deliver!  I am honestly excited and enthused about how this will turn out.
Sadly, I quickly realized I had quite possilbly wasted more than just a few cents. There were two John's and an Alex.  I'd just like to say that I genuinely appreciate the fact two of them were named John because I'm notoriously bad with names.  John #1 was cute and nice but pretty lackluster.  If I told him he had just won the lottery and was an instant trillionaire, I think his voice would have sounded the same as if I had told him his grandmother had just died.  Those kinds of men are the most frustrating - you're nice and seem to have it together, but come on..have some emotion, some passion and some JOY in your life.
Alex was interesting.  Nice guy, successful, funny....until he started interrupting and name dropping.  Instant file into the "not a chance" bin.  The fact that you are from Charleston is in fact admirable since there are so few.  But I'm not impressed by who your neighbors were growing up, what street you lived on or the fact that every time I open my mouth, you pretend that you're hard of hearing and start talking over me.
John #2 was the most interesting.  I wrote him off within the first 5 minutes because I introduced myself and asked him what he did for a living and he COMPLETELY ignored me to talk to one of the other girls.  Right, well you just made your own bed.  Naturally as life would have it, we actually ended up having probably the most real conversation that I had all night.  Then he asked me "what do you eat for lunch?"  and "how often do you work out and what do you do for exercise?".  When I told him that I usually have Special K for brekky and occasionally throw in a box of Frosted Flakes when I'm feeling risque, his facial expression determined his fate.  He's a triathlete you see, which is great.  I love triathlons.  I really want to do another one.  I love athletes and I love the dedication and determination an athlete possesses.  But, when all you can talk about is what time you are waking up to work out, what you cannot eat when you're out with friends & you turn down wine at a WINE TASTING DATE EVENT because you are too fit to drink it.....sorry, not gonna work out.  I love my body.  I love working out and I love eating just as much.  My rolls and my muscles are a joint package.  You can't have one without the other!

I swear it's low sodium soy sauce, John #2!!!!

So as it would turn out, I left the date with one of the other girls.  No, I am not a lesbian.  It just so happens I had more in common with her than I did with any of the men on this date, so yes...we went out to another bar, shared a glass of wine, toasted to being single independent women and drove off back to our exciting, invigorating lives. 
 I now sit on my couch eating gluten free sweet potato chips (no thanks to John #2 who would likely criticize everything I put in my mouth) and low fat pork & veggie wontons that in turn resulted in me spilling soy sauce all over my hot pink Lilly Pulitzer skirt.  Oh yeah....John #2 told me he really loved my dress.  I am wearing a hot pink skirt and a black tank top.  Not even a colorblind man could mistake it for a dress.  But I appreciate the compliment and gesture....really, I do!
The best part of this is that I'm truly not upset or depressed by these turn of events.  I find them fascinating and hilarious, which is the only reason I publicly share the details.  Life is meant to be enjoyed and I've always said laughing at ones self is one of the most satisfying qualities a person can have!  That being said, I don't think I'll be dropping cash on a professional matchmaker anymore.  Might have to venture back to Match in a few months, which will surely result in additional good stories!

Two Pals from Portrush

Does it get any better than David Feherty? The guy is pure class (Irish for 'awesome'). That is a man that clearly found his calling and is absolutely brilliant at what he does. He bleeds passion for his interviews, is completely enthralling and downright hilarious. I can laugh out loud equally as much during an episode of Feherty as I can during an episode of Modern Family, which is A LOT. Being a sports commentator is not an easy task. Not that I have any experience at it, but as an avid sports fan I can say with certainty that a commentator can make or break your experience watching a sporting event. That's a lot of pressure and while there are plenty of bad ones (we all know my absolute HATRED for Chris Collinsworth), a lot of mediocre ones and a handful of brilliant ones....Feherty rests atop that list of brilliant ones. My love for Jim Nantz, especially in the golf world, will always rise above most anyone else but Feherty takes the cake for best golf personality. 


Last night he had Graeme McDowell on the show. (I promise I will eventually make it through a blog post without mentioning GMac) Talk about a way to end a Monday! Two handsome men, a lot of laughs and daydreams of being Mrs. McDowell :) Seriously though, the interview was brilliant. I give all the credit to both Feherty and Graeme for making it that way purely by being themselves. Forget talent. There is something about Irish people that is so pure, genuine and transparent. They succeed by being proud yet humble, resilient and possessing that ever addictive trait of humor and pure enjoyment of genuine conversation. It's a talent, I've learned, many Americans don't possess. Sure we know how to have fun and enjoy a good laugh occasionally, but not like the Irish do. The act of conversation and genuine regard for the people you encounter is so lost in our society. Leave it to Feherty and GMac to teach us how it's done because last nights interview was a perfect example. The two guys were great craic to watch, especially as Feherty displayed his pitiful skill at darts. I was almost crying when he he continually bounced them off the board from 3 feet away. And the go-cart race between the two.....don't get me started. I'll chase you around a track any day Graeme!


It's US Open week. Bring on the excitement, the thrill and the gut wrenching desire to watch an Irishman take the trophy for a 3rd consecutive year. My eyes will be glued to Graeme (as well as Rory & Padraig) and my ears will be tuned into Feherty whenever possible. Two class gents that could make a dead man laugh in his grave. 

Bye-Bye Balls

How is it that a tiny white ball can cause SO much frustration and angst?  I am of course referring to golf balls and the ridiculous amount that I lose on a regular basis.  When I took up the game of golf I knew it wouldn’t be a walk in the park, but sports have always come naturally to me so I was hoping for an easy journey.  My first experience on a driving range should have immediately told me otherwise.  Dare I admit that my first time swinging a club I let go of it in my backswing, catapulting it through the air and nearly decapitating the guy two slots down on the range?  Yeah…it’s true.  I wasn’t exactly committed to learning the sport then.  I signed up for Golf Class my senior year at Elon because well, I needed two credits to graduate, it was a no-brainer guarantee of an easy A and lets be honest…there was the potential for more men in the class than women.  (Something that didn’t exist at Elon).


My real interest in and desire to learn and play the game didn’t come until I started working for Doonbeg.  And while I am the token golfer who plays maybe 5-8 times per year and never practices in between, I still can’t get over the amount of balls that I lose!  My worst day came about two months ago when I was playing The River Course on Kiawah and I lost a record 12 balls in 18 holes.  I’m pretty sure the lost ball count could have even been one or two higher but we’re just not going to go there.  I mean really…who loses that many balls in a round of golf yet can still muster out a par or two & a few bogies in the same round?  (two par’s in one round might also be an exaggeration, but who’s keeping track).  It’s also extra depressing when I manage to lose box after box of really nice balls.  Being in the golf industry I manage to come up with free balls all the time.  Pro V1’s, Nike Platinum , etc.

Gmac shrine in my living room :) 

  I sure hope they are enjoying their new homes in the bottom of slimy ponds, the stomachs of Alligator’s and the razor sharp thicker-than-cement grasses of Ireland because my poor bag is now depleted of the “good stuff” and full of range balls I so indiscreetly hoard when I see them.  Those and the box of Srixon’s that G-Mac gave me but those clearly are going to be saved.  FOREVER!


I mean, sure the golf I am playing is on some of the most exclusive, award winning, World ranked courses on the planet so that's got to count for something, right!?  This is the year though; the year my golf game changes.  I've got two months of consistent play (and practice!!!!) under my belt so I'm at least moving in the right direction ...and not hurling 7 irons through the air like Russian missiles.  But really, what must it feel like to play an entire round of golf with the same ball?  Whenever it happens to me, rest assured I will be running into the proshop demanding the award they give to Hole-in-One achievers.  It’s an equally impressive accomplishment in my book!

Best of 2011

Starting last year, I decided to reflect on my year of travels and create a "Best Of" list pertaining to hotels, airports, destinations, etc.  When so much of your life is spent outside the home, it's nice to remember those places and experiences that make your nomadic life enjoyable and comfortable.


The only problem with last years Best Of 2010 list is that I never published it!  Sure enough I completed it and saved it as a draft, but realized I never actually published it.  So, I will start with 2011 and then copy my post from 2010 that was intended to be published last December:

THE BEST OF 2011!

Best Hotel Room (pertaining purely to the actual room & nothing else)

First Place:  Hotel Monaco in Denver, CO.  Incredible fun & funky room!

Hotel Monaco in Denver

Runner Up:  The Gansevoort Park in Manhattan.  For NYC, the rooms are extremely spacious (very unusual!), the decor is eclectic & fun and it boasts a great vibe throughout.  Staff/service were a weak point. 

*Honorable mention to The Fairmont Vancouver Airport. Amazing room for airport hotel!

Best Overall Hotel Experience (room, location, views, activities, etc.)

First Place:  Hotel Monaco in Denver, CO.  Not only was my room fabulous but the staff were amazing.  Courteous and attentive without being stuffy, kind, helpful and genuine.  Honestly could go on about that stay forever.  They blew me away.  

Runner Up:  The Huntington Hotel in San Francisco, CA.  My fave place to stay in SFO.  Rooms are large and have an old southern charm to them, which is probably why I like it.  Light pastel colors and warm antiques with stunning views looking down on the city or out over the Bay.  Location on top of Nob Hill is perfect for easily hitting all of the top spots in San Fran. (just be prepared for sore calf muscles!) 

Most Disappointing Hotel Room

First Place: Ritz Carlton, Chicago.  Expected more from a Ritz property.  Nothing horrendous, just not up to par for a Ritz in my opinion. (and having previously stayed at The Peninsula, nothing compares!)

Second Place: Fairmont Whistler.  Had high hopes and expectations for this well known Fairmont resort and was quite disappointed with the rooms.  Service & location, however were wonderful.

Best Tradeshow/Event (for business/results)

First Place: Virtuoso’s Travel Mart in Las Vegas, NV

Runner Up: Trailblazers in Whistler, B.C.

Best Tradeshow/Event (for the craic and good times)

First Place:  Virtuoso's Travel Mart in Las Vegas, NV.  Yes, I just said it.  Each year gets better and I have to say, there is just no one that can compete with the Irish.  We know how to get business done and then have a lot of fun.  From a 6 hour sing-song at dinner, to pool parties, to popping champagne in Club Bank at Bellagio, this was the most fun year yet.  Hats off to this years crew!

Runner Up:  SLH Bay Area Roadshow.  Smaller than normal group and such fun people.  Makes a huge difference when you are spending 10 hours a day for 5 days with the same people!  Love you Jeffie & Joanna :)

Best Meal

Rioja in Denver

First Place:  Brunch at Rioja in Denver.  Great little restaurant in LoDo.  I absolutely love Denver and their food scene rivals Charleston, with some incredible restaurants.  This brunch was so unique, flavorful & fun!

Runner Up:  Braised pork steam buns at Jetside Bar in Fairmont Vancouver.  UH-MAZ-ING!!!! (and the Wild Boar the previous night in Whistler was pretty scrumptious as well)

Favorite New City Visited

Venice, Italy

First Place:  Venice, Italy.  Ah-Maz-Ing! Cannot wait to go back with a man. So romantic!

Whistler, B.C.

Runner Up:  Whistler, B.C.  For someone who doesn't ski, visiting in the summer was ideal. The place was crawling with outdoor activities to do, was packed and so so cool.  Definitely will revisit! A summer must for any outdoors lover.


Mostly repeat destinations in 2011 but LOVED both of the above.

Best Airport (considering timeliness and ease of navigation)

First Place: Detroit Metropolitan Wayne County in Detroit.  With Delta having bought out NorthWest, a lot of DL's routes are now going through DTW.  While somewhat annoying because ATL is so much closer to home for me, DTW is clean, has loads of restaurant and shopping options (great wine bar!) and a fantastic Delta SkyClub with really lovely staff.

Runner Up:  Hartsfield Jackson in Atlanta.  I've always stood up for ATL and still do to this day.  It is always CLEAN, the shopping and food options are endless, and while the busiest airport in the World, they are very efficient.  So many hate it, but if you were a frequent business flyer, you would see it differently.

Mulling over my lunch choices while sipping a mimosa!

Best Flight


First Place: SNN to JFK (7.5 hour International flight, where I got bumped to first class last minute.  First class on International flights RARELY happens and makes ALL the difference in the world!)
Second Place:  JAX to ATL when our engine exploded after take-off.  NOT!

G-Mac and me

Best Celebrity Encounter              

First Place: Graeme McDowell OBVIOUSLY! Finally meeting him at the PGA Show in January and then getting to converse with him daily at the Honda Classic in March.  My life was made!

Runner Up:  Giada DeLaurentis.  She was very sweet and is TEENY TINY in person.  

AND NOW THE OLD POST FROM LAST YEAR:

The Grand Del Mar

THE BEST OF 2010!

Best Hotel Room (pertaining purely to the actual room & nothing else)

First Place:  The Peninsula in Chicago, IL
Runner Up:  The Grand Del Mar in Del Mar, CA

View from my balcony at La Valencia in La Jolla

Best Overall Hotel Experience (room, location, views, activities, etc.)

First Place:  La Valencia in La Jolla, CA.  One of my fave hotels in America!

Runner Up:  The Grand Del Mar in Del Mar, CA

Best Tradeshow/Event (for business/results)

First Place: Virtuoso’s Travel Mart in Las Vegas, NV

Runner Up: Shout-out to my colleague Jonathan Epstein with Celebrated Experiences.  Had I participated in one of his roadshows I’m sure it would be on the list, but the boss takes those.

Best Tradeshow/Event (for the craic and good times)

First Place:  PGA Show in Orlando, FL

Runner Up:  Tie between Travel Mart in Las Vegas and Tourism Ireland’s California roadshow

Best breaky ever in Prague!

Best Meal

First Place:  Michael Mina at the Bellagio in Las Vegas, NV

Runner Up:  Breakfast at a small cafe in Prague's Old Town. European's do breaky so much better!

The Charles Bridge in Prague

Favorite New City Visited

First Place:  Prague, Czech Republic

Runner Up:  La Jolla, CA

*Honorable Mention goes to Nuremberg, Germany.  Very surprised by it!

Best Airport (considering timeliness and ease of navigation)

First Place:  John Wayne Airport in Orange County, CA

Runner Up:  Reagan Airport in Washington DC.  Easiest. Airport. Ever.

Best Flight

First Place: JFK to SFO (6.5 hour flight, first class upgrade, impeccable service!)

Second Place:  ATL to LAS (3.5 hour flight, first class, lovely meal and pleasant Virtuoso agent next to me)

Best Celebrity Encounter              

First Place: Jim Nantz

Runner Up:  Padraig Harrington (several encounters…nicest guy ever!)

*no thanks to Kenny G who gave us the cold shoulder this year!

Chronicles of Online Dating - Part 1

Here it goes.  Taking a huge gulp, swallowing my pride and revealing secrets about my dating life. 

**GULP!!!!**

So I just recently decided to join Match.com, which is a decision I’m still unsure whether or not I’m in agreement with.  I did it about 6-7 years ago when I lived in Atlanta and was fine with it then.  I was young, bored and desperately wanted to meet someone.  Fast forward to present day and meet 29 (very soon to be 30) year old Bekah who is miss independent, secure and satisfied.  As I progressed through my mid to late 20’s, I learned who I actually was and became not only satisfied being single, but really enjoyed it.  Those dreams of getting married right out of college and having kids now look like a nightmare.  I have genuinely enjoyed my life as of late and am very content with where I am.  Recently however, I’ve begun to think that I have become too independent and closed off.  I am not gung ho on going on a dating frenzy or getting into a relationship but I do feel like I need to spice up the dating life to keep myself open.  So, after talking myself out of it and deleting my profile about 10 times, I decided I’d do Match for one month, and one month only.  Granted I picked December, probably the worst possible time to give it a try, but whatevs. I'm not really into it or totally committed so 30 days is the best I can do.

This is where theses blog entries are really going to begin.  Being on Match, you clearly are confronted with a plethora of shocking, funny, enjoyable and horrendous occurances.  While I will likely not provide day by day updates or detailed information about my progress (ok who am I kidding…they are probably all going to be tale worthy) I am going to give all of you men out there some recommendations and guidelines.  It is shocking the lack of “game” or as I like to call it, integrity, some men have. 

Let’s get started, shall we?

• ·        If you are going to email a girl on Match, think of something other than “Hi. What’s up?”  An email like that guarantees immediate filing into the “trash” file without even looking at your profile.
• ·        If I make it clear in my profile that dating someone who believes in God is a must and you are Agnostic or an Atheist, it’s probably NOT going to work out.  This only leads me to believe that you must not understand what the definition of your said religious belief even means.
• ·        If you live 5 (or even 1) state away, do you really think this is going to go anywhere?
• ·        If the first thing you say in your email (which also happens to be the first thing said in your profile) is “I own my own home” I will probably (definitely) make judgements about your personality.  Perhaps incorrectly and unfairly so, but if you are trying to make the point that you are financially stable or responsible, there are numerous other ways to do so that don’t make you look like a pretentious showboater.
• ·        If you’re going to be lazy and unoriginal by copy/pasting the same email to all of the girls you contact, at least make sure what you are pasting is still relevant.  I will not let you off the hook even if it means I lose you as a potential date, because you need to learn a lesson!  I had a guy email me last week on Wednesday and say “Hey! How’s your weekend going?” My response was “Well, if it were the weekend, I’m sure it would be fantastic, but my week is going well.”  I had this happen again last week when a guy emailed me talking about all the sports he liked when he said “I love baseball as well and am really into watching the World Series right now!  It’s so exciting.”  Oh really?  The World Series is still going on the week before Christmas?  Did they call a rematch or something????  Come on guys, get it together!
• ·        If you ask me for more pictures, your chances of our conversing continuing drop at least 70%.  I have about 12 photos on my profile ranging from dressy to sporty to self portraits on my phone, which we all know, are not forgiving.  I intentionally put a wide range of photos up so that there is no mistaking the “real” me.  If you need to see more than 12 pictures to decide whether or not I am worth meeting, congratulations you are spectacularly shallow!
• ·        Lastly – to the one who sends decent emails for a week with good grammar, seemingly strong character, and decent questions but then throws out the “I’m really just interested in an f-buddy”….I am currently Google searching where you went to preschool and asking your teacher to re-enroll you because you are clearly a child. 

 That’s just week one.  Fortunately I am only giving myself 4 weeks!

My Sweet & Sassy Sydney

To know Sydney was to love her.  From the moment my parents rescued her as a puppy she was skiddish and spooked easily.  She wasn’t particularly fond of strangers or outsiders and often growled at or bit people who approached her, but to those she was fond of, she loved so so deeply.  She was sophisticated, sweet and oh so sassy. 

Sydney was the replacement for me.  When I left home for college, my mom was faced with an empty nest for the first time in roughly 36 years.  Naturally, the replacement for four grown daughters was a new daughter in the form of a puppy named Sydney.  I didn’t care for Sydney much in her early years.  She was high maintenance, scared of everything & everyone and ran away all the time.  I don’t remember when exactly I came around to her, but I did in a big way.  In the summers or on breaks when I was home, my dad would bring her in my room in the wee hours of the morning every day when he left for work, where she would snuggle at my feet until I was ready to get up.  For some reason, she gravitated toward me more than my sisters.  I don’t know why but we just had a stronger bond.  She knew us all by name.  If we were ever coming home for a weekend or Holiday, my mom would tell her “Bekah’s coming home today” and she would sit by the front door for hours until I got there.  She did that for all of us, but my parents said she took it to another level when it was me.  When they built their new house and retired a few years ago, my mom was adamant that the dogs were not allowed in the guest bedrooms.  Getting on the beds was entirely off limits and she preferred that the dogs not even go in the rooms.  Naturally I let Sydney in my room whenever she wanted and more often than not, would encourage her to sit on the bed while I putzed around doing whatever.  She and Snickers sleep in my parents bed every night, but this summer when I was living at home for a few months she would sneak into my room each night and sleep under my bed.  She wouldn’t make a peep or try and get out of the room until I was awake and ready to start my day. 

Anytime I debated going home for a weekend away, I would think about the dogs and my decision would be made.  I’d always drive a little faster heading home knowing that there would be two fluff balls jumping with joy to see me.  Maybe it’s because I’m single, maybe it’s because I’m weird but I was happier to see Sydney than just about anyone.  We talked a lot and I always told her what a “pretty girl” she was.

 

When I got the news Monday that something was wrong, my heart sank.  We had all been in Atlanta last week/weekend for Thanksgiving with my extended family as we do yearly.  On Thanksgiving Day, my mom and I noticed that she was outside more than normal and trying to pee but nothing would come out.  We kept an eye on her and everyone chalked it up to a UTI.  Although somewhat more lethargic than normal, she was playing, eating and otherwise acting perfectly normal.  Come Saturday when she still wasn’t peeing I started to get worried.  I just had that feeling in my gut that something bigger was wrong.  She didn’t show any signs of pain or discomfort but she was way more cuddly than normal.  She snuggled up to my uncle on the couch a lot and she NEVER snuggles on a chair or couch…especially not with people she doesn’t know well.  I had heard that dogs can sense when they are about to die and become more cuddly and those thoughts crept into my head.  I lectured my mom that they better take her to the vet first thing Monday morning; lectures she graciously deals with from a paranoid daughter.  We all got up to leave Atlanta Sunday morning to head our various ways and again, I just had a sick feeling in my gut that something was wrong and that I may never see her again.  My little cousins (9 & 7 years old) followed her and Snickers out to the car to say goodbye.  I shooed the kids away after their goodbyes because I wanted to be the last one to say bye and have a minute with her.  I know I sound like a weirdo but I always had to tell her bye and to “be a good girl” and I had a feeling something was wrong.  I just knew. 

  My mom emailed my sisters and me Monday morning that Sydney had been up all night and they were taking her to the vet.  The pit in my stomach grew.  I g-chatted my sister and told her I was worried she had a tumor or cancer.  My sister responded that I was a worry freak and that she had just spoken with my mom and it was a UTI that antibiotics would cure quickly.  I was so relieved.  I also openly admit I am absolutely a worry wart about everything, but I also have always had an uncanny intuition about a lot of things.  An hour or so later, my mom called and I picked up excited to hear that Syd was going to be fine.  What I heard on the other end of the phone, however immediately told me otherwise.  I could hardly understand my mom on the phone she was so hysterical.  All I could make out was that my dad had brought her home from the Vet, given her the antibiotics, she was fine and then a few hours later she was flopping around on the floor.  My dad had taken her back to the vet and immediately called my mom to tell her to get up there fast.  I waited anxiously for an update and decided I needed to drive home to say goodbye.  I had a feeling it was bad and could be the end but couldn’t let her go without seeing me and hearing me say I loved her.  I grabbed my laptop and ran out of the office.  My mom called back to say they could see internal bleeding and needed to operate but she was too weak to do so, so they were going to have to do a blood transfusion first.  I told them I was on my way and that I needed to say goodbye to her.  Not long after that, they called again to say she was going downhill too fast and they were going to have to start operating before the transfusion was completed.  I knew the 2.5 hour drive was too long to get me there in time.  Sure enough my dad called about 30 minutes later to say that she was gone.  They had opened her up and discovered a tumor on her bladder that had ruptured.  There was nothing they could do. 

I couldn’t ask my parents to wait around at the vet for a few hours after saying goodbye just so that I could do the same.  I also didn’t know if I wanted to see her deceased, so I opted to not continue the drive home and went back to my house.  I sobbed in my parking lot for a long time before I could bring myself to get out of the car.  Every now and then I thought about how I would react if and when Sydney died.  She was 10 and I knew it was inevitable at some point but you just can’t imagine them not being around.  I knew it would be tough but I am shocked at how hard it is.  I haven’t been able to stop crying since it happened and can’t eat.  I just keep picturing her in her favorite spots around the house, chasing squirrels, licking the sweat off of me after a workout and her obnoxiously high-pitched bark. I also can’t stop thinking about her lying on that table, sick and scared, without one of us next to her to reassure our love before she left.  I believe that dogs have souls and pray that there is a place for them in heaven and that she knows how much she meant to me.

There is reason to give thanks in all of this and that is because her final days were spent with the entire family.  I got to spend all of last week with her and was able to see her the day before she died.  I am also thankful that God gave me the intuition to know it could be the last time I would see her and that I took the time to give her a worried personal goodbye.  All of that being said, it’s going to be so tough at Christmas when she’s not waiting outside my door every morning for me to wake up, begging for scraps (I’m so glad I snuck her a lot of turkey scraps on Thanksgiving) or snuggling by the fire keeping my feet warm.  This is the first time I’ve lost a dog, so the emotions are new to me.  While it sounds awful, I didn’t cry this much or get this upset when my grandparents passed.  I of course loved and cared for them dearly but a dog is different.  The feeling that I needed her and she really needed me; the feeling of knowing that she was always excited to see me and love on me; that she would always be there for me and be a never ending source of joy is just irreplaceable.  I cannot believe she is gone and that I won’t get to feel that with her again.  It just doesn’t seem real.  I didn’t know the loss of a dog would be this difficult and I realize it sounds crazy and doesn’t make sense to some, but to those who have genuinely loved and lost a dog, you understand and now, so do I.   

Time will heal the pain as it always does, but my heart will be heavy for you for a long time Sydney.  I hope you knew how loved you were and how deeply you will be missed.  You took a part of my heart with you and I hope you will always hang on to it.      

I’ll close with an email from my mom:

“She didn't want you to make that drive and see her so sick -  I heard this on the radio on the way to the dr yesterday and knew immediately it was from her.  She left before we got there too.”

 xoxox

Softly, I will leave you softly

For my heart would break if you should wake and see me go

So I leave you softly, long before you miss me

Long before your arms can beg me to stay,

For one more hour or one more day

After all the years, I can't bear the tears to fall

So, softly as I leave you there

Softly, long before you kiss me

Long before your arms can beg me to stay

For one more our or one more day

After all the years, I can't bear the tears to fall

So, softly as I leave you there

As I leave you there

As I leave you there